Distress
by entre-lagrimas-y-suspiros
Summary: Book: Sacred Hearts by Sarah Dunant, Paring: Chiara/Zuana, Summary: Suora Zuana seems lost and Chiara can't stand it.


Title: Distress

Fandom: Sacred Heart A Novel

Pairing: Zuana/Chiara

Rating: PG

[]

I see her wondering about almost aimlessly, except of course she is not aimless. There is much too much to do for her to truly be aimless, but even in our structured lives she is lost. It was not a conclusion I have reached lightly, the very opposite is true. I have watched her closely for the past few months, noticing the things she tries to hide from everyone around her by keeping her eyes firmly on her book during prayer, on her food during meal, on the dirt during work hours.

There is something a miss with our dear Suora Zuana, what exactly that is I cannot say. I only know that she is lost. I see her move from here to there, apron full herbs as she moves between the garden and the infirmary. She hasn't spoken to anyone for over a month, not even me. It is highly unusual for her.

When no one else could reach her, whenever she has felt threatened by the very walls that defined our world, she has always found her way to me. It was always me, whom she confided in when she could no longer escape into her books and remedies, when whatever it was bothering her took a firm hold on her. Now it is not the case.

If I can see it, then surely she must know it too. Zuana is ready to climb the fortress like walls, and as much as I would like to wait for her to come to me I cannot. I am her abbess and if she will not come to me then I must be the one to reach out to her. Besides I cannot bear to see my Zuana so aimless.

"Lovely afternoon, isn't it?"

I startle her. She drops the seedlings she was holding in one hand and has to steady herself with the other to stop herself from falling over.

"Madonna Abbess."

Is all the answer I receive, she does not even look at me. Carefully I crouch down beside her. She squares her shoulder at my closeness. It seems I repel her, the thought hurts, but I push it aside for later. I am here for her after all not myself.

"Here I thought you did all the planting in March." I pick up a seedling and drop it carefully into the hole she had already dug. "If you had told me I would have sent one of the conversas to help you."

"That is not necessary." She finished planting the seedling when I removed my hands from the dirt.

I stay beside her, unwilling to stand up without even having looked in the black pools of her eyes. She tenses under my gaze and refuses to meet my gaze for a long time, but eventually she relents.

"Come with me." I tell her taking her hand in my own and standing, pulling her with me.

"I have not finished, Madonna." She protests.

"Later," I say and give her a small smile, "with a conversa's help you will make quick work of it."

I moved through the grounds, never dropping her hand or evening loosening my grip. I cannot take the chance that she will retreat further. When I reach the bell tower and find my keys, I hold the door open for her. She walks in already knowing what I am offering her. It is small, I fear even this is too small, but it is all I have.

I can see her eyes widen and tears gather in them as she takes in Ferrara when we reach the top. The sight of her, leaning against the railing her larger eyes filled to the very brim with tears, stirs something inside of me. It is not something new. I have always felt different about Zuana. Long before I became Abbess I was pulled to her. It is irrevocable, this feeling and it has only grown stronger over the years.

"Thank you, Madonna Chiara." She says after ten minutes of silence.

I smile, because she is finally looking at me. Her dark eyes are locked on mine, and this feeling is expanding from my heart to fill every part of me. "I have told you before I must look after my flock, especially you my dear Zuana."

The tears in her eyes fall over the brim and onto her eyelashes, then roll down her cheeks. "I…" She swallows hard and I see her knuckles as she grips the rail with all her might, "than you."

I shake my head and move closer to her, pulling her hands from the rails to hold them in my own. "There is no need to thank me. It was selfish of me, really." She doesn't believe me, I can tell, but even now I am being selfish. I am holding her not only to comfort her but myself, I need to know she is alright. "Whatever has happen, whatever the cause of this sadness, you can tell me and if it is within my power to help I will." She is still looking at me unbelievingly, and I use my hold on her to pull her close. Holding her body close to my own, "All I want is for you to be happy," I murmured against her temple before letting my lips press against the soft skin.

I could feel her chest rise and fall quicker. "You make me happy."

Her words wash over me like a warm bath and I tighten my hold on her. "You make me happy too."

I feel her soft lips against my check and I have to remind myself to breath. Here with her so close to me I realize that I was just as lost as she.

FIN.


End file.
